5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she! says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." !

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the! tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is necessarily your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's better to keep your voice low and watch - enemy or friend!


THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Wanna learn some marketing concepts

A good product will not be in hot selling without a good marketing. So, if you are in marketing industry or any other industries, try one of this marketing concepts if you like ...

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's DIRECT MARKETING.

2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him!"

That's ADVERTISING.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day, you call her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's TELEMARKETING.

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her. You pick up her bag after she drops it. You offer her a ride and you say, "By the way, I am very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.


5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich. Can you marry me?"

That's BRAND RECOGNITION.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband.

That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's MARKET COMPETITION.

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me! And she follows him.

That's LOSING MARKET SHARE.

10. You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You walk up to her and before you can say, "I am very rich. Marry me!",
YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!

That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET ENTRY.

Man with a very BIG Cock!!

A farmer in Texas is listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the man with the biggest cock. Really, I was shock when I saw his cock. Can you imagine how big his cock is? The picture below will tell ... :)

Interesting Facts

Here're 10 Interesting Facts you do not know, I bet.

*A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In your next life, you want to be a pig? How'd they figure this out, and why?)

*Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling? And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? wtf is up with that? Doesn't seem fair)

*Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still can't get over that pig thing. Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)

*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (hmm...enough said!)

*Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

*Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew? Who cares? How'd they find out, ask them?)

*Butterflies taste with their feet. (30 minutes...can you imagine? And why pigs?)

*Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity baby!!)

*An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that)

*Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too)

After reading all these, all I can say is...Lucky Pigs...

Ah Beng's e-meow

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything?

For me, I am quiet find. You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly. You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now.

Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me.

I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,

Ah Beng

Latest Plasma Efects - funny shit

Consider to buy this TV?!

How to look happy at work

Obligatory Office Equipment (OOE)

"Keep On Smiling" . Another sensational idea for office equipment!

• Workload getting to you ?


• Feeling stressed ?


• Too many initiatives "cascading" down?
  
• Here is the new low cost way to cope!

Here's how you do it...


Take 2 paperclips and elastic bands.

Assemble them as shown on the picture.

Then...

Apply the construction as visualized in fig 3.

Enjoy your day.

This obligatory office equipment will help you to reach the end of the day with a smile on your face!

Childless Couple

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.

"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.

Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."

And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.

While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.

Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.

"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"

"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.

"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.

"To blow out that candle you lit!"

Funny Conversation

BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked. "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.